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Wear Life Loosely and Still Meet the Deadlines

I love Bernie Siegel’s advice to wear life loosely.[1] It’s a way of being that speaks to my soul and releases what feels like my creative best.

I’m happiest when I can wrap the magnificence of life loosely around my shoulders like a comfortable, old shawl – and tackle head-on whatever comes my way. I’m a bear to myself and others when I can’t.

I can’t fully define what it means to wear life loosely, but I sure know how it feels. Calm. Exhilarating. Productive. Joyful.

Wearing life loosely involves at least three things for me:

1. Mindfulness: being in the moment and enjoying it totally, without feeling time or performance pressures

2. Playfulness: a lighthearted approach to whatever I’m doing that includes a sense of appreciation and wonder, a willingness to impishly push boundaries and rules of restraint, and plenty of giggles

3. Feeling responsible for only myself: a release from excessive worries and fears for others and the world – real and imaginary.

Although it may seem paradoxical, I work very hard at staying loose. Living life loosely does not come easily, but everything seems to work better when I can.

I grew up in a hard-working, blue collar family. My father held two – sometimes three – jobs much of his life to make ends meet, and I had my own high-top stool in his basement workshop from as early as I can remember to help him however I could. My mother was disabled and rarely left our home – and I assumed adult caretaking roles at an early age.

I came by responsibility, intensity, anathema to wastefulness, and a predisposition for over-achievement honestly: I know how to take care of people and business and myself and get things done. I’m not complaining – that’s something of which I am proud. But I carry a legacy that must be managed: the inner child only runs free when everything is in order.

Wearing life loosely reminds me that perfect order is never arriving: a life mantra of que sera sera is more realistic.

How do you wear your life? Is its mantle loose enough for you to achieve your goals with ease?

Get looser and laugh about itLaughter and humor are keys to the good life. We all need to laugh more. It’s just that simple! Laughter and humor augment our creativity and productivity, and there’s ample evidence they are good medicine, too.

Humor, for example, gives our creativity a perfect workout. It employs many of the creative right brain’s most powerful attributes: understanding situations in context, getting the big picture, combining different elements in new alignments, and adding surprise and novelty.

Researchers have used humor as a measure of managerial effectiveness, emotional intelligence, and innovation – and those who use it well score high on all three.[2] Humor can reduce workplace hostility, relieve tension, communicate difficult messages, and lessen status differences.[3]

Humor cushions the most stressful bumps in life. Mark Twain once said, “Humor is the good natured side of a truth.” He demonstrated this in his famous response to news accounts of his passing away: “The news of my death has been greatly exaggerated.”

Humor encourages us to take ourselves less seriously – and that is especially important in situations involving difficult people or problems.

Above all, humor is a way to illuminate and break frame – to demonstrate that any one take on a situation is limited, arbitrary, and open for deeper investigation.[4]  After Churchill lost the 1945 election to be Prime Minister, his wife Clementine suggested it might be a blessing in disguise. Churchill replied, “That may be, but I wish it were not so well disguised.”

So laugh a little – or a lot. Laughter releases nature’s pain-reducing, relaxation-promoting chemicals called endorphins. You know what tickles your fancy: humor books, corny jokes, movies, improvisation games, comedy tapes, time with witty friends. Engage and enjoy!

Laugh with friends and colleagues. You’ll connect in deeper ways and both benefit from the body’s release of the bonding hormone called oxytocin.[5]

How do you wear your life? Is its mantle loose enough for you? What adjustments do you need to make for a good life? To meet those deadlines with productivity and grace?


[1] Bernie S. Siegel (1998). Prescription for Living. New York: HarperCollins.

[2] Daniel H. Pink (2006). A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future. New York: Riverhead Books.

[3] Fabio Sala (2003). “Laughing All the Way to the Bank.” Harvard Business Review (September, 2003).

[4] Lee G. Bolman and Terrence E. Deal (2017). Reframing Organizations: Artistry, Choice and Leadership (sixth edition). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass/Wiley.

[5] Amit Sood (2013). The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-free Living. Boston, MA: DaCapo Press, p. 243.

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True Grit, a Successful Life, and Great Accomplishments


clip_image002True grit!  Charles Portis introduced us to it in his classic novel, and John Wayne brought it to life in the film by the same name: an aging, hard-drinking U.S. Marshal is hired by a young girl to bring her father’s killer to justice because that marshal has “true grit.” How does she know? He’s tenacious and undaunted by obstacles, has a longstanding passion for his work, and persists until the job is done. The pursuit of the killer is complex and dangerous, as these things often are – and, yes, the marshal gets his man!

True grit makes for a great story and blockbuster movie. Turns out, it also makes for top performance and a very successful life.

clip_image004Psychologist, researcher, and MacArthur “genius” grant winner, Angela Duckworth, has done ground-breaking work on what leads to high achievement.  Her book, Grit, offers a refreshing look at the issues, and her findings should encourage us all!

The secret to world-class achievement, according to Duckworth, is not talent, genetic make-up, or high IQ. Focused, passionate, and purposeful persistence makes the difference – and that’s a strategy open to anyone.

Our culture is obsessed with genius and natural talents, but you can’t be distracted by that. You need to look behind great work and see its true origin. Hard work!  Effort, according to Duckworth’s research, is twice as valuable as talent or genetics in explaining extraordinary outcomes.

clip_image006Even Einstein attributed his success to it: “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”

Elizabeth Gilbert tackles it in her liberating treatise, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, and calls it her “stubborn gladness” – get up, get going, keep working, keep learning, and do it all with unending curiosity and joy. Focusing on the journey is way more important than the destination!

To be clear, having talent is an asset! Natural talents can start you on a road to discover your deep passions and get you far. Talent also offers a clue to how quickly you will learn and master the basics of a new skill or interest.

But talent alone won’t get you to the top of your game. For that, you need grit.

Duckworth has isolated three important components of grit: passion, persistence, and purpose. Let’s look into all three. Each has subtle features beyond the everyday meaning of the words. You’ll want to understand those and add them to your bag of life and career tricks.

Passion: Passion at the heart of high achievement is multi-dimensional. It is part personal interest – we are always willing to work at things that we enjoy and feel good about. It is also sustained attention, rooted in our experiences, and deepened and developed over time through intentional effort and connections.

This kind of passion is life-orienting. It takes time to find and nurture – and it will ebb and flow. No one feels passionately inspired or clear in direction every day. The trick is to identify an interest that you are willing to invest your amazing energies in – maybe something you keep returning to again and again in your dreams or choices – and get working. And work hard!

clip_image008You may have found your daemon – your life’s calling. If that’s true, strengthen and put it to good use. Maybe you haven’t. That’s OK, too. At least you’ll have learned something new about yourself, the world, and how to build a sound work ethic – all of which will serve you well in your continuing search.

Benjamin Bloom’s edited collection, Developing Talent in Young People, illustrates three stages of skill development and suggests how you can find and nurture your own passion over a lifetime. Each stage outlines different activities and supports needed to progress. Bloom labels the stages as early, middle, and later years.

Duckworth sees each stage informing one of her three vital components of grit: early years focus largely on discovering one’s passion, the middle years on persistence and how to learn, and later years are a time to broaden one’s personal interests with larger social meaning and purpose.

So, let’s begin at the beginning. How are lifelong interests found? How do they transform into life-guiding passions?

Early stage skill development is a playful taste of life and its possibilities – a time to discover and test possible interests and to develop some basic mastery. This developmental work is helped along by supportive others, exposure to new and multiple experiences, and opportunities for autonomous experimentation and fun happenings. At its core, the early stage is a relaxed discovery of self and of areas you might want to more deeply embrace. Individuals progress with the help of encouraging teachers, mentors, and coaches. The activities are enjoyable and individually rewarding. And you’ll get enough experience under your belt to make an informed decision about whether to commit or move on to something else.

A good way to understand this stage is to think about sampling a variety of sports or musical instruments so you can decide which you’d like to spend more time playing.

Persistence: Middle stage is the time for “deliberate practice,” not just more of the same approach used earlier for basic mastery. This is the real deal in skills development – and a stage I wish I had understood more clearly years ago!

There is an old Japanese saying that roughly translates as fall seven, rise eight. “Deliberate practice” embodies that ethic.

You will need tenacity, perseverance, and willpower to sustain your skill improvement in the face of frustration, obstacles, fears, tedium, and setbacks. In fact, if things are going too smoothly, you may not be challenging yourself or practicing deliberately enough. You can expect basic satisfaction and pleasure from improving your skill – even moments of ecstasy and “flow”[1] when something comes together suddenly or in new ways. Those, however, can be few and far between.

“Deliberate practice” is not glamorous: it is roll-up-your-sleeves determination and toughing-it-out through plenty of monotonous repetition for the sake of learning and improvement. Think about the talented Chicago Bulls player Michael Jordan spending hours and hours alone in the gym shooting foul shots!

“Deliberate practice” has a very specific set of rules, and they go something like this:

1. Isolate a skill area that is a current challenge for youPick a small part of the larger whole and make it something foundational for success or progress.  An aspiring concert pianist, for example, might choose a passage in a piece that requires unusual left hand agility and speed; a basketball player, shooting three pointers from the left corner line; a writer, a strong query letter; and so on.

2. Set and clearly define a stretch goal. Perhaps you want to play the piano passage without mistake daily on a first try for a week, or shoot 60% during every basketball practice for a month. 

3. Give the chosen goal your full concentration and work, work, work on it.

4. Figure out where you are falling short and fix thatBe pleased with what you are doing well; however, more importantly, be proactive and seek feedback from experts about what you are doing wrong. If not, you’ll solidify bad habits and hardwire your brain for current weaknesses.

5. Continue the cycle of repetition with reflection, feedback, and refinementWork as long as you need on your one, chosen skill.

6. Identify when you have reached your stretch goal, set another, and begin the “deliberate practice” cycle again on your new chosen flat spot.  

Neuroscience explains why “deliberate practice” works. Humans are born with a vast potential to develop in response to environmental challenges. To over-simplify, it all has to do with the myelin sheaths that insulate your nervous system and allow any part of the body – brain, abs, biceps, etc. – to develop in response to intensive use, deliberate experiences, and repetitive practice. Mother was right: practice makes perfect!

Purpose: Personal interests take on new meaning and purpose when they contribute to the well-being of others and the world in Bloom’s later stage of development. We are hardwired as social beings, and human survival has always depended on the work of many. All of Duckworth’s “gritty” high achievers saw their personal passions mature into something useful to the world which fueled their efforts further.

Music, for example, fosters global understanding and peace to superstar cellist YoYo Ma. Anthropologist Margaret Meade studied South Pacific island culture, yet her autobiography describes her work as bringing new understandings of human behavior and gender to the world. Sister Helen Prejean’s ministry to the poor included becoming a pen pal with a convicted killer, sentenced to die in the electric chair. Her learning from that relationship led to a book, Dead Man Walking, that took her humble death row ministry to the world stage.

And I could go on, but you get the point. There is exhilaration, increased motivation, and sheer beauty in finding the sweet spot where one’s life passion contributes to a larger good!

clip_image009Got grit? You don’t need to be a household name – or even aspire to fame – to do great things that matter to the world or those around you. You just need to know what you really want to do and get on with it – and work with focus, determination, persistence, and passion!

You have everything you need to succeed within you. Don’t let fear or false beliefs about genes or talent or anything else hold you back.

The world is your oyster when you apply your true grit. 

I have no doubt that you have greatness within – and the true grit needed to set it free. Do you? So, what will your contribution be?

[1] M. Csikszentmihalyi (1990). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. New York: HarperCollins.

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Be Informed: Embracing Compassion Requires Understanding It

You must not hate those who do wrong or harmful things; but with compassion, you must do what you can to stop them.

— Dalai Lama XIV

Compassion heals the compassionate soul and creates a world in which we can come together across our differences. How can we increase our personal capacity for compassion and make it a fundamental virtue in love and work?

Understanding its meaning and purpose is a first step: common misconceptions will get in our way.

Compassion does not mean feeling sorry for people, nor does it ask us to invite the world’s suffering into our living room. Compassion is attunement to others with the hope that through our intentional interactions with them, their suffering lessens.[I]

Compassion at its core is inviting others into our circle of life: offering to understand them and working to be open and generous in spirit even when we disagree with what they do or believe. Ah, there’s the rub: maintaining a kind and open heart is a challenge for the best of us in the face of hurtful or egregious actions. Anger is easier when we feel vulnerable, hurt, or powerless. Anger, however, has its costs.

In our book, Engagement: Transforming Difficult Relationships at Work, Lee Bolman and I assert that compassion is a pillar of successful engagement in the world and required for the kind of interactions that resolve complex social problems. We add the adjective “informed” to underscore that compassion is not denial, collusion, or even forgiveness – horrific or criminal acts may be difficult or even impossible to ever forgive.

Informed compassion is an authentic expression of human connection, a willingness to walk in another’s shoes if only a few steps, and an unyielding belief that all can learn. That learning only happens through willing engagement.

The Dalai Lama, the world’s symbol of compassion, sees compassion as self-serving with added benefits to others and society at large:

Compassion is what makes our lives meaningful. It is the source of all lasting happiness and joy. And it is the foundation of a good heart, the heart of one who acts out of a desire to help others. Through kindness, through affection, through honesty, through truth and justice toward others we ensure our own benefit. This is not a matter for complicated theorizing. It is a matter of common sense. There is no denying that our happiness is inextricable bound up with the happiness of others. There is no denying that if society suffers we ourselves suffer. Nor is there any denying that the more our hearts and minds are afflicted with ill-will, the more miserable we become.[ii]

Neuroscience and the study of human physiology also confirm that compassion for others is good medicine for us. It interrupts cycles of thought that hard-wire our brains for needless pain and anger. It can release destructive emotions and stress that predispose us to a host of health issues – from anxiety, depression, disturbed sleep, and an increased risk of heart attack to adverse physiological changes in our chromosomes that signal cell aging and death.[iii] Medically speaking, embracing compassion is high-level self-care – the best “unselfish selfishness”[iv] around.

Practicing compassion takes, well, practice! Research shows that compassion can be learned. We can train ourselves to be realistic yet non-judgmental and to see what’s happening yet assume the best until consistent data confirms otherwise – and even then, we can train ourselves to respond first by changing how we relate to others so as to try another way to bring out their best.

Practicing compassion may also require learning to say no with grace and yes more often. That may seem counter-intuitive. It is not. No is the word we use to protect ourselves and to stand up for all that matters to us. It can anger others and destroy relationships, so we often say yes when we really want to say no, say no poorly, or say nothing at all. Strategies for delivering a positive no, according to negotiating guru William Ury[v], attend to both clear and authentic communication and relationship maintenance.

The comedy world of improvisation reminds us that yes, and[vi] is a way to validate and build on what others have initiated and a way to explore new alternatives – foundational strengths in problem-solving and teamwork.

As when learning any skilled behavior, we will need instruction in how to if we ever plan to improve our game and a commitment to practice.  The same is true with compassion.

Compassion includes four basic steps: (1) recognize suffering in others, (2) acknowledge it, (3) set an intention to do something, and (4) take an action. Which step is most challenging for you? Start there.

Angela Duckworth’s research in her path-breaking book, Grit, reminds us that skill building comes from “deliberate practice” of the identified component of skilled performance with which we struggle most. Honest feedback from others on how we are doing helps, too.

Dr. Amit Sood outlines nine practices to strengthen compassion skills.[vii] It might be easier for you to begin your study by choosing one from his list:

1. Recognize that difficult behaviors in others may be a call for help. Respond with kindness and assess what difference it makes.

2. Delay snap and negative judgments: try to walk in others’ shoes and acknowledge the urgency driving some important unmet need for them.

3. Remember that no one chooses to suffer or behave ineffectively. Work to resolve the puzzle of what’s happening for the other.

4. Be grateful for your good fortune and all you have – and let your gratitude fuel your problem solving capacities.

5. See yourself in others’ mistakes: the journey they travel today is one you may have traveled before or will in the future.

6. Pay it forward: perform acts of kindness – and if you can, forgiveness; do something good and forget it!

7. Act with humility: act to help, not wow! Act to engage and understand, not control!

8. Recognize the difference between fear and caution: caution is rational, fear shackles.

9. Move toward others: lean-in in simple ways counter to your desire to move away.

Set out to deliberately practice it over a determined period of time, and then assess how well your efforts are improving the quality of life for you and others. Go slow to avoid compassion fatigue[viii]! You must gradually build up your capacities to stand with, but not take in, others’ emotions.

Onward! I have confidence you’ll soar.


[I] Amit Sood (2013).The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-free Living. Boston, MA: DaCapo Press, Chapters 12, 13, 14.

[ii] His Holiness the Dalai Lama (1999). Ethics for the New Millennium. New York: Riverhead Books/Penguin Putnam.

[iii] Amit Sood (2013). Ibid, p. 216

[iv] Amit Sood (2013). Ibid, Chapters 13, 22.

[v] William Ury (2007). The Power of a Positive No: Save the Deal, Save the Relationship, and Still Say NO. New York: Bantam.

[vi] Kelly Leonard and Tom Yorton (2015). Yes, And: Lessons from The Second City. New York: Harper Collins.

[vii] Amit Sood (2013). Ibid, pp. 133-145.

[viii] William A. Kahn (2005). Holding Fast: The Struggle to Create Resilient Caregiving Organizations. New York: Brunner-Routledge.

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How Great Leaders Think: Gray and Free

It’s not that I’m so smart. But I stay with the questions much longer.[i]

― Albert Einstein

One of the most useful and innovative leadership skills I know is the ability to think gray and free. The idea comes from the late Steven Sample, engineer, professor, and successful, long-term president at the University of Southern California who transformed the institution during his nineteen years in office.

I love the process of thinking gray and free – it’s not easy but it works, is supported by neuroscience, can be taught, and stretches everyone’s creative potential. And it’s fun! Can’t get much better than that!

The rationale for learning to think gray and free goes something like this:

Problems are problems because what has usually worked in other situations does not work with what you now face. Those are the times you need to harness your creative best for breakthroughs in your thinking so you can identify fresh options. You need ways to break out of your cognitive ruts, but human nature doesn’t make that easy!

Under stress and in the face of major challenges, it is easy and almost automatic to rush to judgment in dealing with new information or situations by labeling them good or bad, right or wrong, true or false. We want fast and decisive action to relieve our stress. But snap judgments in difficult times can put you on a dead-end road. Thinking that you are right, you keep doing what you’ve always done: the problem continues, frustration mounts, stress levels rise, and you double down on what you’ve always done. You can see where all that will land you!

Not anymore! Here’s where thinking gray and free[ii] comes into the picture.

When asked, leaders and managers often say that they try to “consider all the options” before reaching a difficult decision. Steven Sample disagrees. They may consider all their options, but do so within the constraints of their current thinking patterns and approaches. Learning to think gray and free is “an unnatural act” that forces you to remain unresolved and open to fresh solutions beyond your comfort as a way to tap into unused cognitive pathways. That’s what can lead to your greatest insights, free you from the bounds of convention, and allow your natural creativity and intellectual independence to shine. As you move beyond the temptation to plow ahead and fix things quickly, you will also see more clearly what matters – and doesn’t.

Sample’s favorite way to stimulate that kind of thinking is to contemplate problems from absolutely outrageous positions and in impossible ways. Literally!  The process of arriving at his highly successful patent design for a dishwasher control reads like something from a Charlie Chapin movie: Sample crawled on the ground to contemplate the controls from different angles and forced himself to imagine the dishwasher was being controlled by a French horn, sofa, ladybug, electrons, hay bale, and more. This thinking was so difficult that he could only sustain it for about ten minutes at a time. But after a few of these thinking sessions, he suddenly could see in his mind’s eye the complete circuit design – and a way to do it he had never contemplated before.

Innovative ideas come when you challenge your assumptions and allow yourself to revel in blue-sky moments when anything is possible.

Steven Sample used various techniques to stretch his capacities to think gray and free. Two favorites are described below[iii]. Try one!

Resist the temptation for binary thinking: Force yourself to read an article, listen to a news report, or engage in a conversation with another and suspend all judgments: don’t believe or disbelieve, or classify anything as right or wrong. Listen and keep telling yourself, “that’s really interesting.” If you find you can’t, then write down your first impression about the matter, and force yourself to not think about it until a later time (or ever again). Training your mind to “bend over backwards by thinking gray with respect to a few everyday matters” is an excellent way to overcome your natural inclinations to speed judge and to think right-wrong/yes-no.

Contemplate the outrageous together: Bring a group of people together who have widely varying perspectives and a common goal. Ask each individual to propose an “off-the-wall idea” for achieving the goal, with the proviso that every other person in the group must respond with at least two reasons why the idea will work. There is benefit in forcing yourself to learn to think positively and deeply about an idea you’d rather quickly reject.

Great leaders think is broad, deep, and creative ways.  How can you expand your capacities to do the same?  


[i] http://amorebeautifulquestion.com/einstein-questioning/#jp-carousel-4256

[ii] Steven B. Sample (2008). “Thinking Gray and Free.” In Gallos, J. V. (Ed.) Business Leadership. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

[iii] The ideas in this blog are adapted from the skills tutorial appearing in Part II of Lee G. Bolman and Joan V. Gallos (2016). Engagement: Transforming Difficult Relationships at Work. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.

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Leading with persistence, focus, and patience: Let joyful attention training fuel the way

Leaders need persistence, focus, and patience in their work.

Leadership is an interpersonal sport, and people are complex and unpredictable. Leading well requires sustained engagement, open exchange, mutual learning, and influence. It involves loss and change, and change takes time. High-impact leadership cannot be forced: you don’t want to cross the line into bullying or assume you can go it alone. Both have their costs. You want to stay firmly grounded yet open to new possibilities – relaxed yet vigilant with an eye on continued progress toward the prize.

How can you develop habits of the mind that underpin the kind of calm, focused, non-judgmental persistence required? Sound complicated? It really isn’t.

You have undoubtedly experienced moments of “flow”[i] – when you feel “in the zone” and so deeply engaged in an activity that the world around you disappears. Time seems to fly. Professional musicians aim for this in their performances;[ii] and NBA coaching great, Phil Jackson, designed his entire coaching strategy around helping his players get there[iii]. But you don’t need to be a professional athlete or musician to intentionally train and direct your mind to be more focused yet relaxed. Your attention is like a muscle. Work it with regular mental exercises to make it stronger. A bit of neuroscience explains why and how[iv].

The mind is never at rest. The idling brain is as active when you are “vegging out” as when doing a crossword puzzle! Unless you direct it, your brain will do what comes naturally: neurons will fire spontaneously with thoughts about you – your problems, woes, and what ifs of life, spinning internal dialogues and stories that randomly weave together your past, present, and future. The idling mind is a wandering mind, easily distracted by things other than what we are doing or wanting to think about[v]. Three things about this are important for our discussion here.

One, it is as important in learning to better focus your attention that you know how to turn off parts of your brain as it is to turn on others.

Two, you can turn off dysfunctional or energy-wasting ruminations by choosing to engage in an externally-oriented, goal-directed, chosen task.

Three, what helps you refocus your attention in the short term retrains your brain over time. Neurons that fire together stay together, hardwiring your brain.[vi]

You want habits of the mind that “right-wire” your brain. That’s the benefit – and the joy – in attention training.

Dr. Amit Sood of the Mayo Clinic offers strategies for “right-wiring” your brain, and suggests practicing simple attention-focusing techniques four to eight time a day during your training period. You may have to undo life-long cognitive tendencies, and “just as a river needs time to carve a canyon, resilient new brain pathways depend on repetitive and deeply felt experiences.”[vii]

His suggested activities ask you to notice and enjoy your world more deeply, connect your thoughts and senses, look for novelty in the everyday, and suspend judgment. Important for our purpose, each can be used to disrupt unhelpful or distracting ruminations – and remind your idling brain that you are in charge! Many take but a few minutes to practice, and they bring the added benefit of increased pleasure and joy. Joy refuels the soul for life’s uphill climbs!

Try this[viii]Let me suggest a few personal favorites from Dr. Sood to get you started. Commit yourself to a few weeks of brain retraining, and let me know how things are going. Email me at theprof@theleadershipprofessor.com

Find novelty in an ongoing relationship: greet another as if meeting after a long time; devote time to sharing something new or newly rediscovered for each of you

Find the extraordinary in the ordinary: pay attention to some detail around you in a new way – the blue of the sky, different shades of green in the grass, the pattern in the rug you have walked mindlessly on so many times. Let each new discovery of beauty or novelty wash over you!

Start and end your day with gratitude: use it to turn off the stress in waking up to your usual to do and dread lists or in hitting the sack focused on everything on the lists for tomorrow.

Notice nature: as the Buddhist adage goes: Spend 10 minutes each day quietly in nature. If you are very busy and overloaded, spend 20 minutes.

Eat, walk, or exercise mindfully: pay attention to time, place, pace, posture, and other sensory experiences in everyday acts. And mindful eating is a good way to control weight and food choices!

Try small random acts of kindness: kind attention is externally-focused attention, and kindness toward others will boost your mood.

Find something in another to be impressed by: The Hindi word namaste means the divine in me salutes the divine in you. See the divine in those around you. Namaste!


[i] Mihaly Csikszentmyhalyi (1997). Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life. New York: Basic Books.

[ii] John Whiting (2008). YoYo Ma: A Biography. Westport, CT: Greenwood.

[iii] Phil Jackson (2006). Sacred Hoops: Spiritual Lessons of a Hardwood Warrior. New York: Hyperion.

[iv] Amit Sood (2013). The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-free Living. Boston, MA: DaCapo Press, chapters 2, 5, 6, 7.

[v] Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert (2010). “A Wandering Mind is an Unhappy Mind.” Science 2010: 330-932.

[vi] Donald Hebb, as quoted in Sood (2013), p.10. Hebb is the father of neuroscience, and American Psychologist named him one of the 20th century’s most eminent and influential theorists in the realm of brain function and behavior.

[vii] Amit Sood (2013), p. 66.

[viii] This post is adapted from material appearing in Lee G. Bolman and Joan V. Gallos (2016). Engagement: Transforming Difficult Relationships at Work. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons. https://www.amazon.com/Engagement-Transforming-Difficult-Relationships-Work/dp/1119150833/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1517320130&sr=8-2

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Grow Your Brain: Lead Yourself to Increased Leadership Capacities

Research, published in the new book The Emotional Life of your Brain by Richard J. Davidson (with Sharon Begley), has good news. We can change our emotional styles and become more self-aware, attentive to context, and resilient – core skills for surviving and thriving in the rough-and-tumble leadership world. All it takes is systematic mental practice.

I’ll let you read the neurophysiology and brain science and just cut to the chase here. By thinking – and thinking alone – adults can expand areas of the brain to broaden their cognitive and emotional capacities.

This gives us more control than previously believed over what Davidson and Begley call the Six Key Elements of Emotional Style: our resilience in the face of disappointment, outlook on life, self-awareness, social intuition, attention, and sensitivity to context.

To quote the authors: “Mental activity, ranging from meditation to cognitive-behavior therapy, can help you develop a broader awareness of social signals, a deeper sensitivity to your own feelings and bodily sensations, a more consistently positive outlook, and a great capacity for resilience.”

Too negative an outlook on life or situation? Embrace the essentials of “well-being therapy” and focus on ways you can be more grateful, generous, appreciative, and upbeat. You’ll have significant growth in the brain areas used, giving you quicker and more automatic access to these positive responses over time.

Not very self- or other-aware? Slow down and ask yourself to focus on the feelings, discomfort, or concerns of another. It’ll increase activation of the circuitry involved in taking in pain and distress more carefully and broaden your capacities to see life more richly and compassionately.

Too self-aware and filled with the internal chatter and self-evaluations that keep you spinning your wheels? Learn to observe your thoughts or feelings non-judgmentally and choose to put them aside.

Mindfulness and meditation help here. [See the blog archives for past posts of mindfulness and the work of Ellen Langer.] With practice, you’ll develop the hard-wiring and self-control needed to pause, acknowledge a setback or disappointment, have a good laugh at how quickly your mind wants to perseverate and magnify a mere bump in life’s road, and stop yourself from spiraling downward.

The authors claim that locating the base of emotions at least partly in the brain’s seat of reason is a major break from conventional wisdom in psychology and neuroscience.

I’m thrilled their work affirms human capacities to develop the emotional and cultural intelligence needed for effective leadership in an increasingly diverse world. How do you want to lead? Respond? Be? Make it happen. That’s hugely empowering – and productive for us all!

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What we need to learn to succeed

A respected colleague (and my former professor) Richard J. Light (Carl H. Pforzheimer Jr. Professor of Teaching and Learning at the Harvard Graduate School of Education and author of the book “Making the Most of College”) names five things that successful people say they need to advance their work and careers in today’s global world.

1. the ability to synthesize information

2. the skill of writing extraordinarily well

3. the ability to do research on many different topics

4. the ability to speak at least one foreign language

5. an understanding of other cultures.

I think Light’s got it about right. How do you measure on each?  What are you doing to enhance your capacities in areas where you need to grow? 

In talking with executives recently who wanted to know where to begin in taking their education and executive development to the next level, I made a simple suggestion: read, read, read.

Cognitive development is guaranteed – and you’ll increase your reading speed and comprehension with every page. Seeing your progress on both is satisfying, as our Executive MBA students can attest. You have control over the delivery system and focus of the content – read when you can and what you want.  And continuing to form new neuronal circuits are vital as we age and for responding to an increasingly complex world.

Want a good suggestion for your next good read?  I suggest: America and the Crisis of Global Power by Zbigniew Brzezinski, former National Security Advisor to President Jimmy Carter. It’s a book you won’t want to put down – and probably shouldn’t.  [Here’s a review to give you a sense of the reasons why.]

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Depression and Executive Overload: We’re In Over Our Heads So We Better Learn to Cope Better

Andrew Weil has been making the media rounds with his new best seller, Spontaneous Happiness. His exploration of depression as a rising global phenomenon caught my attention.

Weil, an M.D. with an interest in wellness, points to the growing body of research on links between rising global wealth – and the adoption of the modern Western lifestyle (sedentary, solitary, stimulus-overloaded, indoors, technology-filled) and diet (processed and engineered) that goes with it – and higher global rates of depression.

I look at Leslie Chang’s award-winning Factory Girls: From Village to City in a Changing China and see a case study of what he means (and one way to understand China’s distinction in having the highest female suicide rate in the world).

Closer to home, 1 in 10 people in the U.S. today are on depression medication. This includes millions of children. The World Health Organization projects by 2030, more people world-wide will be treated for depression than any other health condition.

Plain and simple, countries with the least developed lifestyles have the lowest rates of depression. “There seems to be something about modern life that creates fertile soil for depression,” says Martin Seligman, father of the field of positive psychology (and author of Flourish, discussed in an earlier post).[1]

Concludes Weil: our “ancient brains” just aren’t equipped for 21st century life (and we’d better start doing something to keep them and the bodies that fuel them in good working order).  Amen. 

So are you going to do anything different in your life for knowing this?  I ask because Weil’s message isn’t really new.

Fourteen years ago, Harvard psychologist Robert Kegan warned us[2] that modern living is just too darn hard – that over an increasing portion of our lives, there’s a mismatch between the complexity of what we need to know and understand to function productively and the human capacity to grasp it all. The result: increasing stress and a struggle to develop more sophisticated ways of thinking and learning to respond.  The flattening of the world has only magnified that.

Seven years later, psychiatrist Edward M. Hallowell offered a different slant in Harvard Business Review in “Overloaded Circuits: Why Smart People Underperform” – an article that remains one of the most read HBR reprints today. Hallowell spoke of an increasing number of patients reporting symptoms similar to those of attention deficit disorder without having that disorder. Their symptoms were merely the brain’s natural response to stress, stimulus, and overload: impatience, as well as diminished capacities for problem-solving, resilience, focus, memory, and creativity. Talented executives became “frenzied underachievers.” 

We can all do better than that – and have to, given today’s fast-paced world. Suggestions for how from my most recent book, Reframing Academic Leadership.[3]

Learning to Cope in a World on Over-drive

Healthy leaders care for themselves and build vitality by attending to five key areas: boundaries, biology, balance, beauty, and bounce.

Boundaries: Got to have ’em, got to maintain ’em. Human are programmed to take in the emotions of others. That’s why we feel better around positive, high energy people. Negative emotions hamper brain functioning. Don’t dwell on them. Hallowell suggests interacting with folks you like every 4 to 6 hours, especially during stressful periods, to promote positive feelings. 

Biology: Take better care of your body, and it will take better care of your brain. Increase aerobic exercise, eat better (more fruits, vegetables, lean proteins; less sugar, white flour, processed foods), stay hydrated, limit caffeine and alcohol, improve sleep patterns. The evidence for these is overwhelming, and neuroscience confirms that healthy brains develop new circuitry to compensate for the normal loss with aging.

Balance:  Balance flows from willingness to attend to the diverse needs of mind, body, and soul. Try mindfulness to train the brain to focus amid distraction. Stress is eased with learned relaxation. Negativity is countered by conscious focus on positive sentiments (empowerment, love, care, appreciation, forgiveness, compassion). Deal with fears of overload by remembering you can handle it – and you will. Weil suggests cultivating times of silence and limiting email, television, disturbing noise, and internet use.

Beauty: Find it for yourself: it feeds the soul. Nature and the arts are obvious choices. “Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable,” said playwright George Bernard Shaw. Weil touts the added physical benefits of time spent outside, including Vitamin D (which is vital for brain health).

Bounce: Resilience comes from recognizing that we always have choice in interpreting and responding to events, keeping things in perspective, trusting one’s instincts, practicing new behaviors and responses, and reflecting on the consequences. It is helped by learning to “wear life loosely” and by reaching out to others for social connections. Weil reminds us that social interactions are a powerful safeguard of emotional well-being. 


[1] Andrew Weil (2011). “Don’t Let Chaos Get You Down.” Newsweek. Double Issue (November 7 and 14), pp. 9-10.

[2] Robert Kegan (1994). In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

[3] Based on materials in Lee G. Bolman and Joan V. Gallos (2011). Reframing Academic Leadership. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, Chapter 12.

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From the Home of Mozart: The Transformative Power of Music — Individual, Social, Cultural, and Civic Development

I am a strong believer in the power of the arts for education and development. I was pleased to see an international gathering at the Salzburg Seminars in Austria this spring on The Transformative Power of Music concur.

Music opens the mind and heart to foster the innovative thinking that today’s – and tomorrow’s leaders – need. I won’t bore you with the neuroscience, just remind you that music is a heck of a swell way to rewire your brain and enhance your creative capacities. Play with others, and you enhance your skills in collaboration, listening, team work, and more.

The Salzburg Seminar Fellows felt so strongly about the issues, they drafted a manifesto for governments, thought-leaders, funding agencies, and educators.

“We believe that music is a proven gateway to engaged citizenship, personal development, and well-being. Only through urgent and sustained action can we foster a new generation of energized, committed, self-aware, creative and productive members of society."

You can find the full manifesto, the final report from Seminar, and videos of the week’s highlights (including some great music and interviews on the latest from neuroscience) at http://www.salzburgglobal.org/current/news.cfm?IDMedia=60456

It’s well worth a look and a listen, Share it with policy and decision makers you know.  And it’s never too late to start those piano lessons yourself!  The ROI is guaranteed to be strong.