Tag: self-reflection

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Grow Your Brain: Lead Yourself to Increased Leadership Capacities

Research, published in the new book The Emotional Life of your Brain by Richard J. Davidson (with Sharon Begley), has good news. We can change our emotional styles and become more self-aware, attentive to context, and resilient – core skills for surviving and thriving in the rough-and-tumble leadership world. All it takes is systematic mental practice.

I’ll let you read the neurophysiology and brain science and just cut to the chase here. By thinking – and thinking alone – adults can expand areas of the brain to broaden their cognitive and emotional capacities.

This gives us more control than previously believed over what Davidson and Begley call the Six Key Elements of Emotional Style: our resilience in the face of disappointment, outlook on life, self-awareness, social intuition, attention, and sensitivity to context.

To quote the authors: “Mental activity, ranging from meditation to cognitive-behavior therapy, can help you develop a broader awareness of social signals, a deeper sensitivity to your own feelings and bodily sensations, a more consistently positive outlook, and a great capacity for resilience.”

Too negative an outlook on life or situation? Embrace the essentials of “well-being therapy” and focus on ways you can be more grateful, generous, appreciative, and upbeat. You’ll have significant growth in the brain areas used, giving you quicker and more automatic access to these positive responses over time.

Not very self- or other-aware? Slow down and ask yourself to focus on the feelings, discomfort, or concerns of another. It’ll increase activation of the circuitry involved in taking in pain and distress more carefully and broaden your capacities to see life more richly and compassionately.

Too self-aware and filled with the internal chatter and self-evaluations that keep you spinning your wheels? Learn to observe your thoughts or feelings non-judgmentally and choose to put them aside.

Mindfulness and meditation help here. [See the blog archives for past posts of mindfulness and the work of Ellen Langer.] With practice, you’ll develop the hard-wiring and self-control needed to pause, acknowledge a setback or disappointment, have a good laugh at how quickly your mind wants to perseverate and magnify a mere bump in life’s road, and stop yourself from spiraling downward.

The authors claim that locating the base of emotions at least partly in the brain’s seat of reason is a major break from conventional wisdom in psychology and neuroscience.

I’m thrilled their work affirms human capacities to develop the emotional and cultural intelligence needed for effective leadership in an increasingly diverse world. How do you want to lead? Respond? Be? Make it happen. That’s hugely empowering – and productive for us all!

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Managing the Occupational Hazard of Leadership

Leadership is emotional work. “There’s no leading without bleeding,” Jerome Murphy, professor and former Dean of the Harvard Graduate School of Education, writes in the most recent Phi Delta Kappan.[1] “No matter what we call it — stress, agitation, loss, frustration, fear, exhaustion, shame, confusion, sadness, loneliness, hurt — there’s not an executive alive who can lead without experiencing emotional discomfort.” Anyone who has led – from the head or the foot of the table – knows exactly what Murphy means.

Leaders can’t escape this occupational hazard; however, they can be their own worst enemy in responding to it – turning inevitable job discomforts into personal anguish and self-doubt that erode focus and energy.

“In the privacy of our minds, we can make things worse by fighting our discomfort, getting hooked on our troubling thoughts, and scolding ourselves for falling short. As a consequence, we can sidetrack our work and lose sight of what really matters to us.”

The stage is set for unproductive denial (and an investment of psychic energy pretending we’re not uncomfortable) or negative self-talk (and worries about whether our discomfort is a sign that we’re a flop or, worse yet, no leader at all). “In the grip of mind chatter that sounds like a Greek chorus of naysayers, it’s not unusual to rehash the past, fret about the future, and hang ourselves out to dry,” concludes Murphy.

There are more productive ways to respond, and Murphy draws from psychology and Eastern thinking to suggest six.

1.  accept the emotional discomforts at the core of leading: “In doing so, we can hold them more lightly, believe them less resolutely, and take them less personally.”

2. acknowledge distress without clinging to it: “We can have our thoughts rather than be had by them.”

3. focus on changing behaviors, not feelings: “We can accept what we’re experiencing at the moment while still working to make things better.”

4. treat self with compassion, kindness, and care. “Both intuitively and through scientific research, we know that self-compassion is central to well-being.”

5. accept human imperfection: “Self-criticism is often accompanied by an irrational but pervasive sense of isolation — as if ‘I’ were the only person suffering or making mistakes.”

6. keep faith in core values: They remind us what’s at stake and put the inevitable discomforts in leading from and toward them in perspective.

Mindfulness training can help cultivate these habits of the mind. The leadership payback is clear: increased capacities for situational diagnosis, task focus, calm value-centered action, and resilience.

Our internal dramas may still be intense, warns Murphy, but we’ll witness them from a safe, nonjudgmental place where we can respond wisely.

[1] Jerome. T. Murphy. Dancing in the rain: Tips on thriving as a leader in tough times. Phi Delta Kappan (September 2011), 93 (1): 36-41.

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Naming the Elephant in the Room: Discussing the Undiscussable

Sometimes, a group will get stuck until someone is willing to name the “elephant in the room:” the uncomfortable topic that everyone is aware of but no one wants to talk about.

That topic can be about content or about how the group is working (or not working) together. Fear of conflict or unpleasant interactions often leads us to avoid sensitive topics or to beat around the bush so much that no one gets our message. Some of the most powerful contributions to teamwork involve the willingness to express uncomfortable truths.

You enhance your abilities to discuss the undiscussable when you:

Attend to process and content. You won’t recognize that the group is stuck unless you keep an eye on how the group is going about its work and on its progress.

Use yourself as a barometer. Use those knotty feelings in the pit of your stomach as a red flag that something’s off. Step back and ask yourself why the feeling?

Build in periodic reflections. Leadership guru Ronald Heifetz calls this “getting to the balcony:” stepping out of the fray on the dance floor and giving yourself a different perspective on the action. You’ll give yourself a better chance of seeing the big picture.

Search carefully for the elephant. This requires three things: (1) determining the obvious truth being ignored or unaddressed, (2) figuring out how to present the information so that others can hear and test your observation, and (3) determining when naming the issue will be most helpful to the group’s progress. [Review the last post on skilled candor: those skills can help here.] 

Avoid the sledgehammer. It can be easier naming the elephant with a less direct route. Humor, a well-formed question, or using yourself – expressing your uncertainty or lack of clarity as a way of engaging others in an exploration they might be hesitant to initiate — can accomplish the task with grace.

Frame the elephant in a larger story. Explain not only what you see but why discussing it can help the group make progress. You may see this more clearly than others.

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10 Tips for Finding a Sponsor, Part 2: Managing the Sponsorship Relationship

Doing your homework is an important first step in securing the sponsor you need. To recap the last post, you’ll want to:

1. Clarify your preferred career path.

2. Decide what you want from a sponsor.

3. Define your personal style and communications preferences.

4. Determine your assets and demonstrate your contributions.

5. Identify possible sponsor candidates.

Once you know who you are, who and what you want, and why, you’ll need strategies for building and sustaining a sponsorship relationship. The final five tips, provided below, should help.

6. Think small, go slow, and test the waters. You may be ready to dive into the surf, but your potential sponsor may not be considering a swim or be a very good swimmer. How can you find ways to test whether the fit is right? One strategy is to ask for advice on a specific topic or project. The response will give you helpful data about the quality of the counsel and the way it was delivered. Did the interaction energize you? Empower you? Fit your need? Did it make you want to continue the conversation?

7. Be clear and direct. This should be easy if you’ve done your homework (see above). Be prepared to make a compelling and brief request. Think elevator speech!  Busy people appreciate your respect for their time. Be specific about what you want and why you want the person you are approaching. Flattery – sincere and tastefully done, with specifics, and in small doses, as in “I asked for this meeting because I so admire your ability to do X, Y, Z …” – works. Bring a resume or written materials to leave. Be sure to say thank you, whether the sponsor signs on or not.

8. Don’t be a drag. You may want weekly meetings, long emails, regular lunches, or monthly phone calls. The key is to find out what works for your sponsor. Ask – and always remember, this is a favor!

9. Reciprocate and show your appreciation. For this to work, it’s got to be a two-way street. That requires you to listen and to be savvy about how you can support your sponsor and demonstrate your gratitude. Keep your sponsor updated with a quick email when good things happen. Send an occasional small gift – maybe flowers, a book, or a bottle of wine (if appropriate) to mark a special occasion or accomplishment. When you can, find ways to promote your sponsor to important others.

10. NEVER LET YOUR SPONSOR DOWN. This may go without saying, but it’s important enough to say loud and clear. Deliver as promised. Better yet: deliver more than promised – and behave in ways that reflect positively on someone who has faith in you.

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10 Tips for Finding a Sponsor, Part 1: Doing Your Homework

Previous posts explored the importance of a good sponsor for accelerating your career. How do you find one?

To over-simplify, there are four steps: (1) figure out what you need and want from a sponsor, (2) find someone who matches your needs, (3) find ways to demonstrate your competencies, and (4) ask persuasively for his or her support.

A sponsor is different from a mentor. Mentors offer informal advice and coaching, while sponsors are high-power, high-credibility people in positions to open doors for you. Both can be important for career success, but you’re asking a sponsor to lay his or her reputation on the line for you.

For that reason, sponsors are harder to come by. Don’t let that discourage you. With preparation, time, and effort you can find one – or more – and the process of proactively cultivating a sponsor itself can be helpful and growth-filled. Research [see preceding posts] indicates it’s worth the investment.

I’ve got ten tips for facilitating the process. Five outline the homework you’ll need to do to get things started. Those are discussed below.

Five others help build and sustain a mutually satisfying sponsorship relationship. Those will be discussed in my next post.

Let’s get started. You have everything to gain – and little to lose – if you approach the process thoughtfully and professionally.

Part 1: Doing Your Homework

1. Get clarity about your preferred career path. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? What jobs and organizations best fit your needs? It’ll be easier to identify significant others and talk with them persuasively when you have clarity about where you’re heading.

2. Decide what you want from a sponsor. Are you looking toward a job in someone’s department? Do you want a broader perspective on your industry? Do you seek a recommendation from a power player? Do you want access or an introduction to some movers and shakers? It’ll be easier to ask when you know what you are asking for.

3. Define your personal style and communications strategy. The more you know about how you relate to others and how others see you, the better your chance of finding a sponsor with whom you easily click. Mentors and sponsors can take pleasure in helping someone whom they see as like them.

4. Define your assets and demonstrate your contributions. Where are your skills? What career experiences best demonstrate your capacities? Where are your competitive advantages? You’ll need to develop a compelling narrative about yourself before approaching a sponsor, and you’ll only be able to do that after you’ve taken an honest inventory of what you’ve done, what you enjoy doing, and what you bring to the table. It’ll help if your sponsor has already seen you in action at work or in the volunteer community or if someone your intended sponsor trusts has already sung your praise. How can you make that happen?

And remember, all relationships are reciprocal: what are the professional benefits for a sponsor in supporting you? That’s something you’ll want to share.

5. Develop a broad list of possible sponsor candidates. Who do you know that you admire? Who has the clout or contacts you seek? Who could serve as a role model? Who exhibits the values you respect? Think broadly and beyond a boss or people you already know well. Finding a sponsor is a good way to network with powerful people – and that in itself is valuable.

Be prepared to approach multiple people. Not everyone may be ready or willing to help. You might even want multiple sponsors in different parts of your life – a workplace sponsor, for example, and one to provide connections to important civic boards and key volunteer activities. Expect refusals – and don’t take them personally! Good sponsors are busy people – and can be terrific sources of referrals.