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Grow Your Brain: Lead Yourself to Increased Leadership Capacities

Research, published in the new book The Emotional Life of your Brain by Richard J. Davidson (with Sharon Begley), has good news. We can change our emotional styles and become more self-aware, attentive to context, and resilient – core skills for surviving and thriving in the rough-and-tumble leadership world. All it takes is systematic mental practice.

I’ll let you read the neurophysiology and brain science and just cut to the chase here. By thinking – and thinking alone – adults can expand areas of the brain to broaden their cognitive and emotional capacities.

This gives us more control than previously believed over what Davidson and Begley call the Six Key Elements of Emotional Style: our resilience in the face of disappointment, outlook on life, self-awareness, social intuition, attention, and sensitivity to context.

To quote the authors: “Mental activity, ranging from meditation to cognitive-behavior therapy, can help you develop a broader awareness of social signals, a deeper sensitivity to your own feelings and bodily sensations, a more consistently positive outlook, and a great capacity for resilience.”

Too negative an outlook on life or situation? Embrace the essentials of “well-being therapy” and focus on ways you can be more grateful, generous, appreciative, and upbeat. You’ll have significant growth in the brain areas used, giving you quicker and more automatic access to these positive responses over time.

Not very self- or other-aware? Slow down and ask yourself to focus on the feelings, discomfort, or concerns of another. It’ll increase activation of the circuitry involved in taking in pain and distress more carefully and broaden your capacities to see life more richly and compassionately.

Too self-aware and filled with the internal chatter and self-evaluations that keep you spinning your wheels? Learn to observe your thoughts or feelings non-judgmentally and choose to put them aside.

Mindfulness and meditation help here. [See the blog archives for past posts of mindfulness and the work of Ellen Langer.] With practice, you’ll develop the hard-wiring and self-control needed to pause, acknowledge a setback or disappointment, have a good laugh at how quickly your mind wants to perseverate and magnify a mere bump in life’s road, and stop yourself from spiraling downward.

The authors claim that locating the base of emotions at least partly in the brain’s seat of reason is a major break from conventional wisdom in psychology and neuroscience.

I’m thrilled their work affirms human capacities to develop the emotional and cultural intelligence needed for effective leadership in an increasingly diverse world. How do you want to lead? Respond? Be? Make it happen. That’s hugely empowering – and productive for us all!

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Long Marriages and Good Leadership: A Toast to Respect, Openness, and a Good Sense of Humor

Today’s my 30th wedding anniversary, and it feels appropriate to toast the day by musing about the similarities between a good marriage and good leadership.

Learning about both has been a work in progress for me; and the wisdom in a short article on wedding toasts in a local magazine, The Hills, caught my eye as relevant to the task.

So with a tip of the hat to its author, clinical psychologist Michael Seabaugh – and apologies if my applications, interpretations, and edits push beyond his intent – I share a few of his toasts.

They’re intended to keep a marriage on track, but they’ll also work to sustain the strong interpersonal bonds at the heart of good leadership. Leadership is, after all, the product of a relationship between leader and follower that is based on shared commitment, mutual respect, openness to learning, and passion for a common goal.  Sounds a lot like a good marriage to me!

May you find delight and growth in constant conversation. We learn about others when we talk openly and regularly with them – and about how they are growing and changing.  It’s especially important to continue the dialogue when we’re hurt, angry, busy, or sure we know it all – the very times we are most apt to pull back.

May you always know the supreme value of paying attention and paying respect. All relationships require tending. We respect others when we give them our time.

May you always listen. Making assumptions about others is human nature, but any couples counselor knows it is also one of the biggest spoilers of a good marriage. Seabaugh has a favorite quote from George Bernard Shaw on this: “Do NOT do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.”

May you always remember that your individual problems will always be your collective problem. This is a basic truth in teamwork and a tenet in systems theory. Heed the advice to refrain from telling your partner “That’s your problem.”

May you never forget that curiosity is always better than defensiveness. Ask for an explanation and listen. You may learn something important about the situation, your partner, and yourself. Let me tell you, it’s not easy but it’s a skill worth developing.

May you always have the good sense to find interesting what your partner finds interesting. An open mind and a willingness to experiment have the added benefit of expanding your world.

May you always remember the value of laughing at each other’s jokes, of maintaining a sense of humor about your own and your mate’s foibles, and of finding shared laughter in your observations of the world. Wear life loosely and cultivate a strong sense of humor. Both will serve you well in love and in work.

Happy anniversary, Lee!