Tag: career goals

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Jettison Habits that Are Holding You Back

I just reread an interesting book[1] by social worker and psychotherapist Amy Morin. When I’ve assigned it in my classes, students have found it helpful. It occurred to me that Morin’s work might be just the thing I need for a project in development. Let me share her central messages: you might find them helpful too.

Morin’s main argument goes something like this. Life is tough for everyone, and we need mental strength to tackle the challenges life sends our way. We grow our mental strength by increasing what we know about our capacities and about the habits that hold us back.

We all set goals for ourselves, and they are usually pretty good. We know ourselves and the problems we face: our goals are ways to resolve big concerns that are stressing us out or holding us back.

The best of intentions, however, are too often derailed not by the quality or relevance of the goals we set for ourselves, but rather by the tacit habits of mind that block our ability to do what we need to do to achieve them.

Our bad habits drag us down – and we’re only as good as our worse habits!  We strengthen our personal capacities and resolve, therefore, when we identify what we do that repeatedly gets in our way. Quite simply, we need to identify what we have to stop doing and let ourselves succeed!

Morin identifies 13 dysfunctional habits she has seen in her own life and practice, and notes that people who feel strong and successful in their lives just don’t do these 13 things. Here’s her list of habits that are very good to break:

1. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Get on with what must be done to get back on track and moving ahead in the ways you want.

2. Don’t give away your power. We always have more power than we believe we do. Identify your sources of power, and use them!

3. Don’t shy away from change. Change is the only constant in life. Learn to embrace flexibility as a central life skill, and you’ll go far.

4. Don’t waste time on things you can’t change. There is no reason to keep hitting your head against an unmovable wall!

5. Don’t worry about pleasing people. Do what’s right and must be done, and you’ll please yourself. Good people are attracted to that!

6. Don’t fear calculated risks. Everyone has fear of the unknown, and that kind of fear need not hold you back. Make a list of the pros and cons, the costs and benefits of the risk; and invest your energy realistically assessing those.

7. Don’t dwell on the past. The past is the past: you can do nothing about it now!

8. Don’t make the same mistakes, again and again. Mistakes are only disastrous when we learn nothing from them. Failure is the best teacher.

9. Don’t resent others’ success. Invest your energies in creating your own. Success is not a fixed commodity: you and others can all have it.

10. Don’t give up in the face of failure. The best things are worth working and fighting for. Figure out what went wrong; then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to working on your goal.

11. Don’t fear time alone. Learn to be your own best friend, and use quiet time to invest in building your skills, knowledge, and resilience. Read! Read! Read!

12. Don’t feel the world owes you anything. Work for what you want, and the satisfaction in  getting it will be magnified by the fact that you have become a stronger and smarter person from your efforts.

13. Don’t expect results immediately. Anything really worth achieving takes time.

We all need to build capacities to stand strong and thrive in the face of difficult situations. How does Morin’s list help you see your strengths and flat sides? Where are you strongest? Which areas and practices need shoring up?

Why not create an action plan for growing the supports and habits you need for your long-term success? Amy Morin has identified common mindsets and behaviors that can hold you back. Which dysfunctional habits are you holding onto, and what is your prioritized plan for jettisoning them – one by one?

[1] Amy Morin (2014). 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Training Your Brain for Happiness and Success. New York: William Morrow.

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10 Tips for Finding a Sponsor, Part 2: Managing the Sponsorship Relationship

Doing your homework is an important first step in securing the sponsor you need. To recap the last post, you’ll want to:

1. Clarify your preferred career path.

2. Decide what you want from a sponsor.

3. Define your personal style and communications preferences.

4. Determine your assets and demonstrate your contributions.

5. Identify possible sponsor candidates.

Once you know who you are, who and what you want, and why, you’ll need strategies for building and sustaining a sponsorship relationship. The final five tips, provided below, should help.

6. Think small, go slow, and test the waters. You may be ready to dive into the surf, but your potential sponsor may not be considering a swim or be a very good swimmer. How can you find ways to test whether the fit is right? One strategy is to ask for advice on a specific topic or project. The response will give you helpful data about the quality of the counsel and the way it was delivered. Did the interaction energize you? Empower you? Fit your need? Did it make you want to continue the conversation?

7. Be clear and direct. This should be easy if you’ve done your homework (see above). Be prepared to make a compelling and brief request. Think elevator speech!  Busy people appreciate your respect for their time. Be specific about what you want and why you want the person you are approaching. Flattery – sincere and tastefully done, with specifics, and in small doses, as in “I asked for this meeting because I so admire your ability to do X, Y, Z …” – works. Bring a resume or written materials to leave. Be sure to say thank you, whether the sponsor signs on or not.

8. Don’t be a drag. You may want weekly meetings, long emails, regular lunches, or monthly phone calls. The key is to find out what works for your sponsor. Ask – and always remember, this is a favor!

9. Reciprocate and show your appreciation. For this to work, it’s got to be a two-way street. That requires you to listen and to be savvy about how you can support your sponsor and demonstrate your gratitude. Keep your sponsor updated with a quick email when good things happen. Send an occasional small gift – maybe flowers, a book, or a bottle of wine (if appropriate) to mark a special occasion or accomplishment. When you can, find ways to promote your sponsor to important others.

10. NEVER LET YOUR SPONSOR DOWN. This may go without saying, but it’s important enough to say loud and clear. Deliver as promised. Better yet: deliver more than promised – and behave in ways that reflect positively on someone who has faith in you.

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10 Tips for Finding a Sponsor, Part 1: Doing Your Homework

Previous posts explored the importance of a good sponsor for accelerating your career. How do you find one?

To over-simplify, there are four steps: (1) figure out what you need and want from a sponsor, (2) find someone who matches your needs, (3) find ways to demonstrate your competencies, and (4) ask persuasively for his or her support.

A sponsor is different from a mentor. Mentors offer informal advice and coaching, while sponsors are high-power, high-credibility people in positions to open doors for you. Both can be important for career success, but you’re asking a sponsor to lay his or her reputation on the line for you.

For that reason, sponsors are harder to come by. Don’t let that discourage you. With preparation, time, and effort you can find one – or more – and the process of proactively cultivating a sponsor itself can be helpful and growth-filled. Research [see preceding posts] indicates it’s worth the investment.

I’ve got ten tips for facilitating the process. Five outline the homework you’ll need to do to get things started. Those are discussed below.

Five others help build and sustain a mutually satisfying sponsorship relationship. Those will be discussed in my next post.

Let’s get started. You have everything to gain – and little to lose – if you approach the process thoughtfully and professionally.

Part 1: Doing Your Homework

1. Get clarity about your preferred career path. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? What jobs and organizations best fit your needs? It’ll be easier to identify significant others and talk with them persuasively when you have clarity about where you’re heading.

2. Decide what you want from a sponsor. Are you looking toward a job in someone’s department? Do you want a broader perspective on your industry? Do you seek a recommendation from a power player? Do you want access or an introduction to some movers and shakers? It’ll be easier to ask when you know what you are asking for.

3. Define your personal style and communications strategy. The more you know about how you relate to others and how others see you, the better your chance of finding a sponsor with whom you easily click. Mentors and sponsors can take pleasure in helping someone whom they see as like them.

4. Define your assets and demonstrate your contributions. Where are your skills? What career experiences best demonstrate your capacities? Where are your competitive advantages? You’ll need to develop a compelling narrative about yourself before approaching a sponsor, and you’ll only be able to do that after you’ve taken an honest inventory of what you’ve done, what you enjoy doing, and what you bring to the table. It’ll help if your sponsor has already seen you in action at work or in the volunteer community or if someone your intended sponsor trusts has already sung your praise. How can you make that happen?

And remember, all relationships are reciprocal: what are the professional benefits for a sponsor in supporting you? That’s something you’ll want to share.

5. Develop a broad list of possible sponsor candidates. Who do you know that you admire? Who has the clout or contacts you seek? Who could serve as a role model? Who exhibits the values you respect? Think broadly and beyond a boss or people you already know well. Finding a sponsor is a good way to network with powerful people – and that in itself is valuable.

Be prepared to approach multiple people. Not everyone may be ready or willing to help. You might even want multiple sponsors in different parts of your life – a workplace sponsor, for example, and one to provide connections to important civic boards and key volunteer activities. Expect refusals – and don’t take them personally! Good sponsors are busy people – and can be terrific sources of referrals.