Tag: risk taking

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Jettison Habits that Are Holding You Back

I just reread an interesting book[1] by social worker and psychotherapist Amy Morin. When I’ve assigned it in my classes, students have found it helpful. It occurred to me that Morin’s work might be just the thing I need for a project in development. Let me share her central messages: you might find them helpful too.

Morin’s main argument goes something like this. Life is tough for everyone, and we need mental strength to tackle the challenges life sends our way. We grow our mental strength by increasing what we know about our capacities and about the habits that hold us back.

We all set goals for ourselves, and they are usually pretty good. We know ourselves and the problems we face: our goals are ways to resolve big concerns that are stressing us out or holding us back.

The best of intentions, however, are too often derailed not by the quality or relevance of the goals we set for ourselves, but rather by the tacit habits of mind that block our ability to do what we need to do to achieve them.

Our bad habits drag us down – and we’re only as good as our worse habits!  We strengthen our personal capacities and resolve, therefore, when we identify what we do that repeatedly gets in our way. Quite simply, we need to identify what we have to stop doing and let ourselves succeed!

Morin identifies 13 dysfunctional habits she has seen in her own life and practice, and notes that people who feel strong and successful in their lives just don’t do these 13 things. Here’s her list of habits that are very good to break:

1. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Get on with what must be done to get back on track and moving ahead in the ways you want.

2. Don’t give away your power. We always have more power than we believe we do. Identify your sources of power, and use them!

3. Don’t shy away from change. Change is the only constant in life. Learn to embrace flexibility as a central life skill, and you’ll go far.

4. Don’t waste time on things you can’t change. There is no reason to keep hitting your head against an unmovable wall!

5. Don’t worry about pleasing people. Do what’s right and must be done, and you’ll please yourself. Good people are attracted to that!

6. Don’t fear calculated risks. Everyone has fear of the unknown, and that kind of fear need not hold you back. Make a list of the pros and cons, the costs and benefits of the risk; and invest your energy realistically assessing those.

7. Don’t dwell on the past. The past is the past: you can do nothing about it now!

8. Don’t make the same mistakes, again and again. Mistakes are only disastrous when we learn nothing from them. Failure is the best teacher.

9. Don’t resent others’ success. Invest your energies in creating your own. Success is not a fixed commodity: you and others can all have it.

10. Don’t give up in the face of failure. The best things are worth working and fighting for. Figure out what went wrong; then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to working on your goal.

11. Don’t fear time alone. Learn to be your own best friend, and use quiet time to invest in building your skills, knowledge, and resilience. Read! Read! Read!

12. Don’t feel the world owes you anything. Work for what you want, and the satisfaction in  getting it will be magnified by the fact that you have become a stronger and smarter person from your efforts.

13. Don’t expect results immediately. Anything really worth achieving takes time.

We all need to build capacities to stand strong and thrive in the face of difficult situations. How does Morin’s list help you see your strengths and flat sides? Where are you strongest? Which areas and practices need shoring up?

Why not create an action plan for growing the supports and habits you need for your long-term success? Amy Morin has identified common mindsets and behaviors that can hold you back. Which dysfunctional habits are you holding onto, and what is your prioritized plan for jettisoning them – one by one?

[1] Amy Morin (2014). 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Training Your Brain for Happiness and Success. New York: William Morrow.

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Hiring a Leader or Hiring a Stereotype?

The Chronicle of Higher Education Online had a piece on hiring that gave me pause. It tells the story of three candidates interviewing for a senior campus leadership position. Two played it safe and maintained distance from their audience with formal titles and podiums during their public forums. The third – who had tremendous support after a day of interviews and the strongest scholarly record among the three candidates – tried to demonstrate the values that would underpin her inclusive leadership style by suggesting more informality. Guess which two candidates were seen as real leaders?

[Skip to the text under the dotted line below if you want more case details before reading my comments.]

As a leadership scholar, I am struck by three things in the story. First, the power of the implicit leadership models we all carry – and how quickly and effortlessly they surface. If a candidate looks like what we think a leader should, acts like we think a leader would, then we must be seeing a leader, right? Maybe. Or we might be mindlessly projecting assumptions that have more to do with history and stereotypes than real leadership.

Second, our tacit models are often very traditional. In an increasingly complex, global world with serious challenges that we seem unable to resolve – war, poverty, violence, disease, oppression, threat of nuclear holocaust, destruction of the environment, and more – we need diverse ways of leading that capture collective wisdom and mobilize action like never before. Real leadership is about shared purpose and innovative problem solving, not blind adherence to hierarchy and protocol. To quote Einstein: We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. Substitute leadership for thinking in the quotation, and you get my point.

Third, gender’s at play one more time. “Acting like a girl” wasn’t intended as a compliment, I’m sure – even though I love the free spiritedness and exuberance implied in a non-evaluative use of that imagery. Nor was it an objective way to describe that the informal introduction and chair moving didn’t accomplish their intended purpose. A different framing of the event might have seen risk taking, an attempt to create real dialogue, and authenticity.

I have had lots of experience in academia and seen differential treatment of male and female candidates in searches of all kinds over the years. That leads me to posit that a male candidate trying the same seating circle might have been praised for his frame-breaking behavior and his humble expression of his humanity. If not praised, I doubt anyone would have pejoratively said he’s “acting like a boy” for trying it.

It’s time to expand how we see and think about leadership.

Holding onto stereotypes and traditional views – the leader as superman, the white knight on his trusty steed, the valiant warrior, the lone hero in search of the holy grail – clouds our perspectives toward leadership and wastes energy holding onto an outdated fantasy. It makes it hard to understand how ordinary people – those who differ from the stereotype because of gender, race, ethnicity, national origin, and other reasons – can successfully wear the leadership mantle. It also blinds us from looking below the surface of leadership’s perceived aura to identify what leadership really is and how it works.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

From What Does a Leader Look Like?[1]

Quick, when I say “leader,” what comes to mind? The question is prompted by a story a colleague shared about her university’s recent search for a senior leadership position during which one candidate had an amazing day on campus and then went down in flames in the final hour.

As is the case in many senior searches, candidates spent the day meeting and meeting and meeting. At the end of their day on campus, members of the campus community were invited to a large room with theater-style seating to hear each of the candidates speak. The format was to be the same for each meeting. The search chair would introduce the candidate, the candidate would speak for 20 minutes, and the audience would be invited to ask questions for the remainder of the hour.

Candidate No. 1, a man, came to campus first. Said candidate was introduced as “Dr. Candidate,” he spoke and then took questions.

Candidate No. 2, also a man, came to campus second. He was introduced as “Dr. Candidate,” he spoke and then took questions.

Candidate No. 3, a woman, came to campus last. As he had during each visit, the search-committee chair approached the podium. This time, he said to the audience, “While I would normally introduce today’s guest as ‘Dr. Candidate,’ she specifically asked me to introduce her as ‘first name,’ so let me introduce you to ‘first name last name.’” This prompted smiles from some and raised eyebrows from others. And then it was time for the talk. Did Candidate Three stand up and begin with her prepared remarks? No, she asked everyone to move chairs into a circle “so we can really talk.” Ten chairs in a circle might not be hard. Fifty plus? Apparently awkward.

Candidate No. 3 was clearly trying to demonstrate her commitment to inclusion and show that she is a good listener, and her supporters argued that she would introduce a consensus-style form of leadership that would bring the campus together. While not disputing that she was the most accomplished scholar, her opponents criticized her for failing to behave like a leader. Some even criticized her for “acting like a girl.”

Clearly, many people have views about how a leader is expected to behave, and candidates take a risk when acting outside of expected norms. What do you think? Are we holding on to old mental models of leadership?

[1] Allison M. Vaillancourt (2011). What Does a Leader Look Like? Chronicle of Higher Education Online.

June 20, 2011, 10:40 am

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Oprah Retires: May We All Go That Way

Oprah Winfrey retires with from her long-running daytime talk show today – and with plans for her next big challenge.  

After taping more than 5,000 episodes, she’s relieved to be moving on. In good Oprah fashion, however, she’s down-playing the pleasure out of respect for her show’s staff of 464 people (many of whom are now out of a job) and for the fans who adore her current venue.   

“I literally curb my enthusiasm for the end, because I realize that for the other people that are part of this experience, the end is a different experience than it is for me,” Oprah noted in a recent New York Times interview.[1]

Oprah is saying good-bye to a talk show, but not heading into the sunset or out of the industry. She’s moving to her next career phase: building her fledgling five month-old cable channel, OWN.

We can all learn something from Oprah about career self-management. She’s a self-made billionaire; a legend known to millions by her first name alone; a woman who understood the importance of creating and managing her own life, brand, and enterprise; and probably the most influential African American women in the United States.

Here are the lessons I’m taking from Oprah as she leaves network TV after 25 years.

Run your own race. No matter how good you are at something or how many people want you to continue doing what you do, when it’s no longer fun, have the courage to move on to something that is.

Be authentic. Oprah’s success has been attributed to her empathy, warmth, genuine curiosity, and humor. She morphed her talk show format over the years as it fit her interests and those of her evolving audience. She found ways to bring others along as she tackled tough issues that were deeply important to her, like racism, literacy, AIDs, women’s empowerment, sexual abuse, and more. Oprah wasn’t afraid to preach, confront, learn, or cry – and she transformed television and the lives of millions of viewers by some combination of all four.

Be smart, not beholding. Gender scholar Deborah Kolb has published widely on the topics of how poorly women negotiate for themselves and for the conditions to assure their success – and on what to do about that. Her book, Her Place at the Table: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiating Five Key Challenges to Leadership Success, is a classic. Oprah was a master at negotiating for her success. She understood the importance of artistic control – and wasn’t afraid to demand it at a time when women worried about losing media opportunities by rocking the boat (or gaining a few pounds).  

Believe in yourself – but stay grounded. Oprah demonstrated confidence in herself and her vision from the get go – even in the early days when she described herself as “just producing by the seat of my pantyhose.” [2] More important, she never let that confidence blind her to the work that needed to be done or what she still needed to learn. Star that she is, Oprah has always been a savvy business woman wed to the consummate student. That combination has served her well.

Take risks. Early ratings for Oprah’s OWN channel have been disappointing. What if she’s now lost the Midas touch? Undeterred, Oprah’s going to give it a try and give it her all. That’s all anyone can do.

Leave at the top of your game if you plan to continue in the sport. Oprah is a sensation on network TV. Her fans adore her. What a boost to spirit and creative juices to know that others love what you do – and want more.

[1] Brian Stelter (2011). Oprah Moves on to Her Next Best Life. New York Times. May 23, 2011, p. B1.

[2] Brian Stelter (2011). Oprah Moves on to Her Next Best Life. New York Times. May 23, 2011, p. B2.